He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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