And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize