if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
