I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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