i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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