saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
