Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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