I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize