I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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