My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
