The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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