so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
