i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
