I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize