at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize