He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
