Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
