My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
