Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just cropdusted the office
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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