if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
