Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
