I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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