I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
They have beer where we have blood.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
