hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
