thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
