the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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