I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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