Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
