It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
