When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
