i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
