if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
