Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
