i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
