I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
