hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
