I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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