whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
