Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
