PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
