yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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