im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
