i just had sex bonerless
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
