i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
