I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
