Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
