Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
