My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
