She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Randomize
