I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
