i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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