Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
