I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
