Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
