i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
