I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
