I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
