just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
