Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
