U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
