how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize