I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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