I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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