God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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