guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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