after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
