happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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