He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
