I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
