I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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