I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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