On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize