okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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