But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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