So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
