I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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